By Mary Lynn Bruny

The last months of the pandemic have gone by in a mad blur. In case your brain has atrophied due to lack of external stimulation and human contact, let’s recap some of the fun new terms we’ve developed:

The wild, apocalypse-ish, fear-induced grocery store shop we did early in the pandemic stocking up on items such as sanitizing wipes, canned goods and 164 roles of toilet paper. For some of us it was followed by (or preceded by, depending on your priorities), the liquor store lunge.

Essential Businesses
Businesses open during the pandemic that were deemed crucial for basic functioning. Also those that if closed would result in public outcry (or just plain public crying). In other words liquor and pot stores.

Shelter in Place (also called Quarantining)
A lovely way of saying being stuck in our homes like rats in a cage that induces the same side effects: bulging eyes, over-scratching of body parts and climbing the walls.

Pandemic Pastimes
For some people, these are life-enriching activities such as creating music videos and watching on-line museum tours. For most of us, it’s looking at crazy animal videos (rats in New Orleans! monkeys in India!), mindless on-line shopping for clothes we hope to wear some day, and watching trashy Netflix shows.

Pandemic Pod
The people in your household with whom you are stuck during the pandemic. These may include your ungrateful children, who you often look at with disgust and wonder why you gave birth to these lazy wretches who do nothing but play video games all day and moan about how bored they are. Bored? Clean a toilet!

Pandemic Partner
Your intimate partner with whom you are sheltering and with whom you may or may not be ready to strangle because, once again, they ate the last of the potato chips and put the empty bag back in the pantry.

Face Masks
The hottest new fashion accessory that you really must have. Often they are custom-made by people who know how to sew, proving that those 1960s/1970s Home Economics classes finally paid off.

Gen C
The generation of babies that will be born in six to 12 months from now because of the above. Most will not be home-schooled, as their dramatized parents will never again want to stay home for any extended period of time.

“The COVID-19”
The average amount of weight Americans have gained during the pandemic.

Pandemic Boom Businesses
Businesses that saw market growth during or shortly after the pandemic. These include cleaning products manufacturers, grocery and liquor stores, streaming services, weight loss companies and divorce attorneys.

Pandemic Heroes
The people we all took for granted but now realize we depend on for health and happiness. The people who are risking their lives to do their jobs so we can stay at home and safely watch videos of adorable penguins waddling around loose in an aquarium.

By Mary Lynn Bruny. Mary Lynn is a Boulder freelance writer who has written about home-related topics for many, many years. Contact her at [email protected].