By Mary Lynn Bruny

Wow. Who would have thought a year ago that we would still be enduring this pandemic? Add to this chaos inflation, labor shortages and supply chain woes (as well as natural disasters just to spice things up). There has been enough going on to test the zen state of the Dalai Lama. What can be expected of us lesser mortals? How are you faring? Answer these questions to assess your mental wellbeing:

If you have a partner, how is your relationship?
1) Better than ever.
2) We have adjusted to so much time together.
3) Hard to tell since they moved into the garage, installed all those locks, blacked out the windows and blocked my cell number.

How has your diet been?
1) Extremely healthy.
2) I’ve been doing a bit more snacking and drinking.
3) I live surrounded by half-eaten pizzas in greasy boxes, dirty take-out containers and dozens of empty liquor bottles. But they’re my friends now. They tell me this all the time.

If you have children, how is your relationship with them?
1) Better than ever.
2) We have adjusted to so much time together.
3) Goodness! I have completely forgotten about them! The attic has such great soundproof insulation!

How concerned are you about whatever bad habits you’ve developed during the pandemic, such as too much screen time, online shopping, snacking, drinking or not enough exercise?
1) I don’t have bad habits.
2) Yeah, I should probably cut down on my screen time.
3) Those are bad habits?

If you are single, how do you feel about that?
1) I’m happy being on my own.
2) I’m good but am open to meeting someone. It’s just hard now.
3) During this God-awful time I would gladly clutch onto any breathing human being if only for a moment of respite from this circle of hell in which we are relentlessly stuck.

What do you do when you have the urge to cough in public?
1) I never cough.
2) I really fight the urge.
3) I never go out and only cough when I’m crying myself to sleep.

How important is your pet to you right now?
1) The same as usual.
2) Snookums has been my special little buddy.
3) Both my cat and dog left me. Sometimes I think I see them peeking out from the neighbor’s curtains, but they hide whenever I come near.

How are you coping with supply chain shortages?
1) I barely notice this.
2) I’m bummed I can’t get some things, but hopefully this will soon pass.
3) I’ve hoarded rooms full of TP, water, MREs and tin foil, and am turning my crawl space into a bunker to prepare for the eventual Armageddon.

When you hear that COVID variants may be with us forever what do you think?
1) We’ll adjust.
2) I wish it were over, but I guess we’ll adjust.
3) The word is just a relentless black hellhole of despair that is collapsing in on its horrible, miserable self. I just can’t adjust.

What’s your face mask situation?
1) I only use white K95s.
2) I have quite a collection of cloth ones in fun patterns.
3) I only wear one and never wash it. The horrible smell repels COVID and all bad stuff. I know this is true because people back away whenever I come near.

SCORING:
• Answered mainly 1s: You are so perfect that it’s a bit scary. What is your secret? Whatever the reason, most people find you so well adjusted as to be kind of intolerable.
• Answered mainly 2s: You’re well balanced and healthy. This is awesome, as you will most likely have to take care of all the poor folks who answered mainly 3s.
• Answered mainly 3s: Times are hitting you hard, my friend. Take care and just remember 2022 has to be better. Actually, that’s a lie. Now we know it can get worse. Buckle up, buttercup and hang on.

By Mary Lynn Bruny. Mary Lynn writes about local real estate and home-related topics for At Home Colorado. Email her at [email protected] To read previous The Lighter Side articles, go to athomecolorado.com/the-lighter-side.